Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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