I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
