Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
