how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
