The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
