Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
