Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize