Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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