This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
