i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
