my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
