Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
