goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
