I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize