1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
