ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
