the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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