so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
