Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
