no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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