wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
