Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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