Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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