So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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