The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
