it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize