So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
