i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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