Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
