LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
