We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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