Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
