Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
