I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize