she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
