I CAN MOONWALK!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
