dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
