Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
