Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
