Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This baby is an asshole
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
