If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
