It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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