Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
