You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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