Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
