Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
