It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
