I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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