dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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