Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
