Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
