Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
