i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
