wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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