Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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