Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
