This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
