If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
