I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
