I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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