I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
bring money and cleavage
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
