yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
