You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
