you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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