my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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